"I Came Here to Die..."

Former nurse finds comfort and hope at Samaritan House

Fifty-one year old Judy M. has spent much of her life in hospitals. However, most of that time was spent as a nurse, caring for the needs of others. For twenty years, she worked in emergency rooms and intensive care units, helping those who were clinging to life. At that time, precautions against dangers like blood-borne diseases were not taken as strictly as they are now. Judy isn’t sure how she contracted the HIV virus, but the first symptoms began while she was working at the hospital.

“I began to have migraines, and the doctors checked me for everything,” explains Judy. Nothing emerged as the culprit, until a persistent case of pneumonia landed her in the hospital. “They finally did an HIV test on me, and it came back positive,” she says. “I have been married three times, and in between, I wasn’t exactly a nun. The only thing I know for sure is that I didn’t get (HIV) from injecting drugs. I never did that.”

By the time she was identified as HIV-positive in 1995, her T-cell count (an indication of the strength of one’s immune system) was down to three. A normal count is in the thousands.

Judy, a summa cum laude college graduate with an accounting degree and two decades of nursing experience, was devastated. Doctors estimated that she had been living with the virus for years, which suggested potential risk for some near to her. “I called everyone who I had come into direct contact with, and told them to get tested,” she says. Fortunately, all of their tests came back negative. Relieved by the news, Judy was still absorbing the far-reaching impact this would have on her life.

Her husband and she separated, but did not formally divorce. Judy says that having to rely on a loved one for so much was more than the relationship could tolerate. They are still close, talking by phone several times a week, and she is still close with her parents and children. “I’m lucky compared to most of the people who come here,” she says. “I have more family support than most people (at Samaritan House) will ever have.”

Despite the support, Judy felt that she could not expect her family to attend to her growing health needs every day. She moved to Samaritan House with the intention of remaining until her life came to an end. Her health has improved since she arrived, with a slightly elevated T-cell count, and without the need for morphine for her pain.

“It’s still day to day,” says Judy. “But at least I’m trying to make plans.” She has been saving some money for the future, although she admits that Christmas gifts have cut into her reserve. She is also planning to take the test to get her driver’s license again, and hopes to have enough money in the coming year to buy a car.

“I’m alive because of my doctor,” she says, who gave her anywhere from two weeks to five years as a life expectancy. That was eight years ago. She says that, on the five-year anniversary of his assessment, she gave him a rose. Judy doesn’t know what tomorrow holds, but she’s grateful for the comfort and security Samaritan House has offered. “This place,” she says, fighting back tears, “this place is a good place.”