The Will to Live

Annette uses her time at Samaritan House to reflect and recover
by Christian D. Piatt

Annette lived a full life. She worked for ten years at the Ridglea Country Club, had a husband and two sons. HIV was the furthest thing from her mind. Then one day her husband left her with her two children, one of whom has special needs, and soon the pressure of daily life came crashing in on her.

Turning to drugs to numb the pain and stress of her life, Annette fell into a haze for nearly three years before calling it quits. While in rehab, she agreed to take a free HIV test offered by the health department, recognizing that she had been involved with high-risk behavior for some time.

At the time of her diagnosis, Annette already had full-blown AIDS.

Devastated, Annette was sure that her life would soon end. She prepared herself for imminent death, until a dear friend shared with her that he also had AIDS, and that he had lived with HIV since 1991. This glimmer of hope helped Annette pull herself from the darkness of hopelessness and depression.

“From there, I began to educate myself about how to live with AIDS,” she says, “and I learned about the medications that could help me live better and longer.” Annette also began educating others, volunteering at local hospitals, and in high schools through the Health Education Learning Project (HELP).

Living with her disabled son in an apartment, life was not easy. But Annette’s will to press on endured. It wasn’t until another bad relationship that she struggled to maintain hope. Following a second relapse, she returned to rehab in 2003.

Annette first learned of Samaritan House in 1996 from a case manager. However, shorter life expectancies for people with AIDS at the time gave her a sense that living at such a place was resigning herself to death. Her determined will to live, combined with her family support, kept her on her feet once again.

Following her 2003 rehab visit, she moved in with her oldest son’s family. Unfortunately, a poor economy caused them to lose their jobs and home, and Annette sought the solace of other family.

“It was the house from Hell,” Annette explains. “The woman’s grandkids ran the place, cooking dope, selling dope and even doing dope right there in the house, every day.” She knew it was a dangerous place for someone in recovery, but her choices were limited. She remained clean and sober despite this environment, until one day when the temptation became too great. “They left these drugs out on the counter in the bathroom, and I just didn’t resist it any longer.”

Annette relapsed on Friday. She called Ted Lovato, Associate Executive Director at Samaritan House on the following Monday, who promptly brought her in.

Her impressions of Samaritan House changed dramatically once she began living within the walls. “People were living longer, and there are lots of people to help you through hard times,” she says. “People here understand that you’re going to have good days and bad days. They always check on you, but don’t pressure me to be anything I’m not.”

Annette praised the staff at Samaritan House for attending to her needs, and for helping her regain a sense of hope and vision for the future. She took time to reflect on what mattered in her life, like her children, grandchildren, and volunteering in the community. today, Annette still volunteers with HELP and local hospitals, but also through the AIDS Outreach Center (AOC) street outreach program, Samaritan House community panel discussions and at the Fort Worth Women’s center.

Annette has greater plans for her future now that she has found the necessary support to live both with her addiction and with AIDS. Turning 44 this coming Monday, she has saved enough money to buy herself a used car as a birthday present, and she is scheduled to move into her own apartment through the Genesis Project in September. She is gathering the furniture and supplies piece by piece that she will need for a place of her own, but she never lets her own aspirations for independence overshadow her desire to help others.

It’s important to Annette, as a mother, grandmother and long-time survivor of AIDS, to share this message with a world that still struggles to understand HIV/AIDS and the people living with it.

“Having AIDS is not a death sentence,” she says. “A person can live a long, healthy life if they educate themselves, and if they are willing to make sacrifices. My doctor once told me that stress, alcohol and drugs can end your life faster than AIDS can. I will always remember this.”